Suddenly Separated in VA -- Part 2

[mimivac]

Had another productive mc session yesterday. H is still adamant that his sexual attraction for me will never return, but we are taking very small, incremental steps. His insistence on this and his revelation that he felt resentful and angry with me about it can sometimes infuriate me. Last night I got home from therapy, poured myself a cocktail and vented to my mom about it for an hour. Really needed to blow off some steam.

The good news is that we are getting along really well these days and h said some positive things in the session. For instance, he seemed to agree with me that this separation is more of a "break" and he expressed nervousness that I might like living alone so much that I don't want to R. The therapist thought we were making progress and said that he would soon be assigning us "homework." Nervous and excited about what this may be.

So, I am thinking of really making an effort to become more active. I am not happy with my sedentary lifestyle and feel I could be a lot healthier. This might also help my h is seeing me differently. He is still stuck on thinking of me as sick and unattractive. And I have to admit, other than a breif spurt of a workout craze right after I finished treatment, I have not been the active, vibrant person I have always wanted to be. But is this pathetic? Is this simply an attempt at losing some weight and looking better so that my h finds me attractive again? I know I would benefit regardless of what he thinks. But if I am doing it only for the R, I know I will become resentful. Argh. Need to work this out in my head.

Mimi