Realizing that I may be dealing with two people here, last night I had angry H who had been drinking. This morning I had reasonable, level headed H who wants to discuss finances and non R things calmly rationally like adults starting tonight.
When he was leaving for work, he mentioned the above. He apologized for scaring me. He wants to chip away at it slowly and try to figure out finances, the kids and how they have been affected and the household. No R talk at all.
He called a therapist and is proceeding to get his own help, according to him.
I told him that I am willing to try to discuss those things rationally with him, and see what we can come up with. I did tell him that I don't trust him right now, and clearly he doesn't trust me either.
He said "i know that you can't believe me right now but I do love you and I want our marriage. I have always loved you"
I didn't respond to that in any way.
He did hug and kiss me as he was leaving and I was uncomfortable. I didn't know what to do. He said "I love you" and I said "have a good day at work"
My stomach is in knots.
At one point I said "we both have a lot of thinking and healing to do individually, i don't know what I want right now" and he nodded.
I truly don't know if I can do this. I need to feel safe and for the past year I have felt anything but safe. I really have a lot of thinking to do.
Hi Autumn, I wish I had helpful words but just wanted you to know I'm reading your posts and thinking of you.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
He really needs to come up w/some new, creative material.
GOD.
I'm sure the right person will be along today to give you some guidance. (my/our friend) I can provide you w/realistic preparation work, and an ear... but, I'm afraid on the "other" side of this situation, I may be projecting my own situation onto yours.
... Considering we live(d) parallel lives!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
HA we sure have mindfull, sorry you had to live this parallel life that nobody should have to endure. I am also so glad that I met you because you patiently waited for me to come to this realization on my own. I was in some serious denial.
Realizing that I may be dealing with two people here, last night I had angry H who had been drinking. This morning I had reasonable, level headed H who wants to discuss finances and non R things calmly rationally like adults starting tonight.
Autumn,
When these "two people" become ONE person, for a demonstrable period of time (I would submit "six months" as a reasonable starting point), then I think you could feel safe opening back up to him emotionally, financially and legally.
Until HE gets him and shows that he can do that, I think it's time for Mamabear to protect her cubs.
When these "two people" become ONE person, for a demonstrable period of time (I would submit "six months" as a reasonable starting point), then I think you could feel safe opening back up to him emotionally, financially and legally.
Until HE gets help and shows that he can do that, I think it's time for Mamabear to protect her cubs.
Thanks Starsky! I agree, and he has work to do in that respect. I fully intend to protect these cubs. I expect them to be good men who treat their wives with the respect that I now know I deserve. I can teach them that by showing them what is acceptable even if he is currently not. For their sakes, I hope he does soon though.
labug, I think some peace would help. I think I will get that with additional DBing. I don't want anyone to think I am physically unsafe, because I am not. I just meant emotionally
