Realizing that I may be dealing with two people here, last night I had angry H who had been drinking. This morning I had reasonable, level headed H who wants to discuss finances and non R things calmly rationally like adults starting tonight.
When he was leaving for work, he mentioned the above. He apologized for scaring me. He wants to chip away at it slowly and try to figure out finances, the kids and how they have been affected and the household. No R talk at all.
He called a therapist and is proceeding to get his own help, according to him.
I told him that I am willing to try to discuss those things rationally with him, and see what we can come up with. I did tell him that I don't trust him right now, and clearly he doesn't trust me either.
He said "i know that you can't believe me right now but I do love you and I want our marriage. I have always loved you"
I didn't respond to that in any way.
He did hug and kiss me as he was leaving and I was uncomfortable. I didn't know what to do. He said "I love you" and I said "have a good day at work"
My stomach is in knots.
At one point I said "we both have a lot of thinking and healing to do individually, i don't know what I want right now" and he nodded.
I truly don't know if I can do this. I need to feel safe and for the past year I have felt anything but safe. I really have a lot of thinking to do.
