Good to see you back here and to see that you and your W are making the effort.
I think you had a false "piecing" while you were away.
I say that because your W wasn't commited it seems to me. Letting the OM manipulate the situation and letting him use her son to do it doesn't demonstrate commitment to me.
I hope you are seeing her choose differently as you let yourself back in this time.
You certainly have given her plenty of mulligans long before she showed you she was even on the tee.
This OM thing still worries me for you. She seems unable or unwilling to cut it off whether using the excuse of her son or OM mental state.
I really think that is the obstacle in your R process Denver. It has been a consistent speed bump for you and her.
I really think that if she fails you this time that you WILL be done and I would hate to see that Denver because you have done a lot of work.
And I think this NOT working for you because of her OM trap will fill you with anger and destroy all this work you have done for YOURSELF.
I want for you to value the ground you have made for you here and know that it is VERY valuable what you have done and don't spread those pearls before swine.
You should not allow yourself to suffer foolish behavior any longer.
I think you know what foolish behavior is now.
I believe in compassion and empathy for your W but also know that she is only capable of moving at her own speed. She is and will be bound by her own insecurities as she makes her way back to you.
Your job is to manage and protect yourself from those choices of hers.
You know OM is the poison arrow for you.
If it were me? I would draw the boundary of no contact under ANY circumstance.
If she agrees then the consequence to OM for breaching it is a restraining order.
If she doesn't agree then I don't think I would risk myself to walk into something that I know will cause me pain.
Until she has cut ALL ties to him, and has mourned the loss of that in her life, she won't be ready to build something new with you.
And you are NEW Denver. As we all are, still a work in progress, but certainly a new and better man than when you came here.
Wouldn't you agree?
That guy deserves the life he works toward having.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
