Thanks mindfull! It was a horrible night, with terrible dreams. Got up early and still a rough morning, just nausea and physical reaction. But I worked a bit this morning and then headed out to the beach with my father and his wife. Took a ton of pictures, it is warm here today. I feel so much better right now. Something about the ocean air that really helped a lot.
For the first time, possibly ever, I felt like I have choices and I am going to be ok no matter what. Nobody but me can determine what I will endure or not endure, and the direction of my life. I feel empowered but at times a bit nervous too.
I am so glad to have this break. I've checked in on my boys, and even got them a little gift to take back.
I need to make a plan, figure out the direction of the rest of my life. I will be 40 in June which is plenty young for whatever may come my way.
This could change tomorrow, so I am taking it day by day
So thankful to have such great support from family and here, even if some don't know what they are supporting
Autumn, you sound good. Strong. Clear(-ish, LOL) headed. Rejuvenated.
I think you are learning that the primary purpose of NC is FOR THE BETRAYED SPOUSE. NOT as some sort of DBing "tactic." It is to get YOU into a place -- physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually -- that you can begin to make some good decisions, going forward.
btw, be prepared to be GRILLED when you get home. Let's talk about that before you return, either here or offline.
Thanks mindfull! It was a horrible night, with terrible dreams. Got up early and still a rough morning, just nausea and physical reaction. But I worked a bit this morning and then headed out to the beach with my father and his wife. Took a ton of pictures, it is warm here today. I feel so much better right now. Something about the ocean air that really helped a lot.
For the first time, possibly ever, I felt like I have choices and I am going to be ok no matter what. Nobody but me can determine what I will endure or not endure, and the direction of my life. I feel empowered but at times a bit nervous too. All so true^^^...responsibilties can feel like burdens, but really they are you exercising choice, to create the life YOU want to create.
I am so glad to have this break. I've checked in on my boys, and even got them a little gift to take back.
I need to make a plan, figure out the direction of the rest of my life. I will be 40 in June which is plenty young for whatever may come my way.
This could change tomorrow, so I am taking it day by day
So thankful to have such great support from family and here, even if some don't know what they are supporting
(fyi- I left a vm with EE to give you my contact info)...
You are strong & you DO have the tools you need to make wise choices.
(((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thanks Starsky. I am heading home tomorrow and trying to wrap my head around it. I talked to mindfull today which really helped a lot. I will send you a message offline, would love to hear your input
Thanks 25 I really appreciate it, and all of your feedback. I feel stronger in the moment and hoping for the same feeling tomorrow.
Slept much better last night and really feel refreshed this morning. I am watching the most beautiful sunrise over the ocean and realizing that there are so many possibilities for me. I am realizing that only I can do this for me. I owe this to my children.
I pray for my H and still love him very much. I meant my vows and still do. I just know that unless he chooses to take steps and make changes for himself to get healthy, there is nothing I can do for him.
I can only continue to pray for him.
I don't know yet what I will do, but I do know that I am forming my plan for my future and my children's future, to live the healthiest most rewarding life that I can create. Where H falls into this is completely up to him, and I have remind myself of that daily until it feels more natural I suppose
I've been DARK for a few days but will be heading home today, not sure how that will work under the same roof.
I am watching the most beautiful sunrise over the ocean and realizing that there are so many possibilities for me. I am realizing that only I can do this for me. I owe this to my children.
I pray for my H and still love him very much. I meant my vows and still do. I just know that unless he chooses to take steps and make changes for himself to get healthy, there is nothing I can do for him.
I can only continue to pray for him.
I don't know yet what I will do, but I do know that I am forming my plan for my future and my children's future, to live the healthiest most rewarding life that I can create. Where H falls into this is completely up to him, and I have remind myself of that daily until it feels more natural I suppose
I've been DARK for a few days but will be heading home today, not sure how that will work under the same roof.
But for right now I feel good, and strong.
Such great perspective Autumn!! Just a couple days ago you were at one of your lowest points and now look ^^^. Your strength is inspiring!!
Remember this the next time you get hit w/ something and realize that no matter what happens you are strong enough to overcome and pursue the best possible life for you and your kids.
Thank you SIAS! Well here it is another low point just one day later.
When I got home last night he wanted to talk, so I asked about what. He wanted to find out where my head was after being away, and taxes. I said "why don't we stick to taxes" and he agreed
I own my company and when we filed, there are clearly documents missing based on what our accountant is saying. So I said that I would print everything out and provide them tomorrow. He wanted to sit and go through line by line last night and I just didn't feel strong enough to do that. I said, I promise to provide it in less than 24 hours and proceeded to drop it.
This angered him and he accused me of lying, stealing money from my business and hiding things from him. Oh the irony. I have never once lied to him, even about something small.
He got in my face a few times but I never felt unsafe. The kids came home and we went our separate ways (small house so its tough)
I was on the front porch on the phone and he was heading to bed and locked the door. I had to knock for my S15 to let me in. I went to the bedroom and said "that is not ok, you put S15 in a bad position" He said "the back door was open" and began condescending "come with me, lets look at it together". I wouldn't have thought to go to the back, he saw me on the front porch.
He then proceeded to tell me that he is filing single this year and I am on my own for whatever outcome with the business. Wow! I know it is simple documentation, there is something missing and I planned to find it today. I said "you can't do that" and he said "watch me"
I went to the front again and was talking to a friend, and mentioned this to her. When I came in he said that he was in the bathroom and he could hear what I was telling my friend. That was a bit creepy. I know the kids didn't hear because the windows were closed and when I talked to them for a bit last night, they told me that they didn't hear any conversation, just some slamming doors (that was H)
I told the kids that clearly we have been having issues for a while, which was no shock to them. I said that we would be making some changes but we both love them. I told them my goal is to make sure that they are ok no matter what and they nodded.
S15 was hinting around to get info and basically asked if H cheated again. I didn't confirm or deny, just said we can't get along and shouldn't live together. We love them both very much. He said "you aren't telling us some things"
S17 said, we both agreed that we will not live apart from one another. I told them that would never happen, that they will always be together no matter what.
My heart is hurting pretty badly this morning. I don't know what is coming next.
I will have to protect myself and find an attorney this morning.I don't know what he is capable of, but clearly he is only thinking of himself right now.
