The trust and confidence in ourselves is the part that really does hurt. I don't see myself as "Me" anymore. I am struggling to get "Me" back. And all the happy horse crap my H is raining down on me has a lot to do with his own insecurities.
Back when we were in ROTC in college together I was the stronger one. I feel like I drug him up to a higher standard. When he got his stride he did great. But the first 10 years of his career I was pushing him hard.
I hope you can get your customers to a place that is good for you. I think that, like with DBing, if they see positive changes consistently they will respond.
So tonight was just a comedy of power struggles. H came in from work right as I was finished cooking. My oldest son had also dropped by unannounced.
H makes a big deal out of cleaning up dog vomit from the area in front of master bedroom door. I no longer sleep there, don't go to that area, didn't see it. I say nothing.
Then H makes a big deal out of cleaning the mold that is growing on the furniture in the room where I told him to go watch TV by himself since we are separated. It has rained for the past month and Hawaii houses are poorly ventilated. Again, I say nothing. I was thinking that I should have left a fan running, that is what we do in most of the house. Gotta love Hawaii!
So H and son grab bowls and dig in. H sits at table with son. (H always sits in his chair to eat and watch TV) I say I will eat later.
After they ate son heads to other sons room, which has a separate entrance. H goes down to the formal living room and I hear grumbling and walk over to look in. He is all mad because the volume won't work on the remote.
I say sorry, it worked the other day. I go away and later notice he has figured it out. (He is a helicopter pilot, for pity sakes!)
At the end of the night he comes through to walk the dogs, and is holding his back as he walks by. I say nothing, knowing he wants to complain about the chairs hurting his back. They do, but there is a perfectly good couch in thhat room.
He wants to tell me about the program he watched. I answer his conversation, but don't prolong it. Whe he comes back in again I say nothing. He askes me some mundane question and I answered in one word. He does then say his back hurts. I say I'm sorry your back hurts. He says goodnight, I say goodnight.
So I count 6 interactions where I was able to keep my distance.
And I had a nice evening, I left the TV run, but actually wasn't watching it, just background noise to my puttering.
Thanks for the support!
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
