I think it really is coming across that your H wants to cake eat...
There's cake eating... when we feel we let them do it... who can blame them for taking the good when it is offered to them...
and there's cake eating... when they tell us we are obligated... that completely falls in line with disrespectful. This isn't about borrowing $10 or $10,000 from a friend...
We're talking about something that might fall in the same category as a friend giving you $10 and not expecting it back... or the equivalent of maybe a birthday gift... in the sense that we don't give only to take away because we aren't getting what we want...
I'm a little off centre right now because like you, I'm sitting in a place where I'm remembering how disrespectful my W had been to me over the past few years. While it's not a blatant disrespect, it's similar to how your H is treating you. It's OK for him to have his secret, private life and carry on his life independent of you, but when it comes to things he wants, you OWE it to him... yeah... right...
My W uses the phrase, "You only do things when it's convenient for you."
What a crock... I've done things when it was VERY INCONVENIENT for me... I've lost customers because I've done things that were convenient to her... back when it didn't matter, because her earnings could manage the household and most of our lifestyle, it was acceptable... but that loss has translated to a sitch where now it's difficult to regain that customer trust and that affects me in a very real way, now... never mind how I've allowed it to affect my trust and confidence in myself...
No... that type of language is the language of someone who has a deep fear and that fear is covered up by the need to control.
Your H, like my W, needs to understand that the only thing they have a right to control... the only people they have a right to control... is themselves...
