Yes, I've told him what I want. I believe I've been specific.
For the eating out issue, I'm just not comfortable doing what you're suggesting. He would come out looking good and I would look bad. In light of that, it would not be a deterrent for him. Maybe an alternative is to go out with him, but just not sit next to him so he can't reach my plate. I've actually reduced this significantly over time by ordering something I like that I know he doesn't like. But there's other things, too. Nyeh ... whatever. It's not an issue right now.
I can see how you might think that I over-invested, but I don't know. I mean people have sex even when they fight. Or like your sitch, your W does even if it's not her thing. Hard to have partial sex, and more convenient if you're in the same bed so that's the reason for that. We went to dinner once with our S, but other than that, all I was really doing was adjusting my OWN stuff (ie. criticism, compliments, letting him do repairs, etc.) Am I missing anything? That doesn't seem all-in. I refused to do a number of things he was suggesting because I knew we weren't ready for it (eg. 3-day two-party vacation.)
I do have a few questions for the guys here. My BFF picked me up a copy of a book she was reading (Have a New Husband by Friday by Kevin Leman. Seems there should be a W version, but there's not.) Anyway, I was reading it previously, and there were several things that really struck me and made me feel like maybe I'm not cut out for M.
One of the things he said was that men occasionally like to act like a child, but they don't like to be treated like one. My response when I read it was, "If you're going to occasionally act like a child, then I'm going to occasionally treat you like a child. Don't want to be treated that way, don't act that way." Am I missing something? Is this true? I mean, I would very much like to act like a millionaire occasionally, but I don't want to receive the bill. Is this a true concept for men?
Another bit was about a woman that was very stressed because she woke up late, had to get the kids ready, make lunches, prepare for a meeting she had at 9:00, etc., and she looks over at her H (who has the day off) who is giving her his best bedroom eyes. The suggested approach was that the W was supposed to interrupt her rush, go over to her H, give him 5 minutes of superficial gratification, and promise more of that later, and tell him that she is soooo lucky to have him for a H. Personally, I can't even imagine doing that. I'm sure it would be wonderful for the H, but what is HE doing for HER? She's dealing with requirements and he's not helping at all, but he wants to add more to her plate? My response wouldn't have been so nice. So just wondering, is this really how a W NEEDS to act to keep a H happy?
And another was a repeated point that men have a deep desire to feel needed and respected. It also spent alot of time emphasizing that men are stupid. So how is a W supposed to respect her H when it's apparently a well-known fact that men are stupid? In that light, it talked about men laying on the couch watching TV because they're too stupid to figure out that the baby is crying and needs changing, but if the W would only ask.... Okay, fine, that gets the job done, but where is the respect supposed to come into play? Does a H expect to be respected because he can sit his but on the sofa for 8 hours straight? If he wants to feel needed and respected, what are men doing to create that need and respect?
This is sort of fun, because these points aren't my issues and aren't affecting me at all right now. But I would LOVE to have some feedback. It was written by a guy, and my H has been reading it and says it's right on (curious that he's reading it, since it's written for women.) So I'm just curious on your take. I know the obvious "well men need to help, too," but that wasn't mentioned much in the book (well, because it was written for women.)
