Harrier...not avoiding your post...I'm at work...need time to think it thru and will post back later...maybe the post I wrote after your's may answer some things you asked
I don't believe unconditional love means putting that person's needs above your own (and in your case above your children as well). Life is about choices. I think the unconditional part is allowing those we love to make their own choices despite us maybe not agreeing with them. Whether they thrive or fall.. It is ultimately the consequence or perhaps the reward of their choices.
We love them enough to allow them to decide without pushing our own agenda.
Oh it's so easy for me to say.. your kids are so lucky to have such a great dad who loves them and has been a shining example of a man who has fought to the best of his abilities for them. When the apocalypse comes.. They'll be in good hands!
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
oh that's funny... yeah rick, dbmod will probably be wandering around in a day or two and locking large threads...
BTW: In labug's thread, your last post there, regarding the length of time thing... not sure exactly how you meant it...
Here's the thing, though... harsh, but something to really consider... if your W truly is MLC...
YOU (your M) ARE ALREADY DEAD! As in the stockdale paradox...
I am sure you understand this, but many people who assume MLC (whether it is or not) sometimes get the feeling that whether or not they do any work, the MLCer will come out the other side and then things can be considered...
That's danger making... even some of the more obvious signs of MLC can be part of a vanilla WAS script... MLC gives us a false sense of available time, as Cadet and others have mentioned above...
it's best that we assume we don't have that luxury... and living like we're already dead... that can help motivate us in any sitch...
Rick you owe me no comment or nothing. I was just giving you a few things to chew on...you do owe it to yourself and your situation to go back and reread your own story from time to time (if you don't already)
I guess for me, it wasn't until well after the first year until the anger and the sense of self righteousness fully subsided. I could've thrown in the towel, but I'm sure as heck glad I didn't.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
banana - your advise is as usual totally helpful. I think you are where I'm at too in understanding and yes, it's easier to say it to me than yourself...but I know you get it.
And back at you...you're the best Mom possible. You're kids are so unbelievably fortunate!
Rick you owe me no comment or nothing. I was just giving you a few things to chew on...you do owe it to yourself and your situation to go back and reread your own story from time to time (if you don't already)
I guess for me, it wasn't until well after the first year until the anger and the sense of self righteousness fully subsided. I could've thrown in the towel, but I'm sure as heck glad I didn't.
Why didn't you throw in th towel? Where you at my point and then what...I need to hear your story. Why r u glad you didn't throw in towel? Did your S cheat...and you had kids who knew...i.e. was your sitch like mine? Did you R?
And BTW...whose the OW your referring to? My friends and me are curious as hell. Am I having blackout spells and going vampire at night or something?
And yes, the anger and self-righteousness is still in me...have to remember Yoda before I succumb to The Dark Side
Why didn't you throw in th towel? Where you at my point and then what...I need to hear your story. Why r u glad you didn't throw in towel? Did your S cheat...and you had kids who knew...i.e. was your sitch like mine? Did you R?
Everyone's situation is unique to them. I did what was best for me. My W is not in the same crisis as yours (I do believe she has unresolved issues that she refuses to address). My W had a EA with a co-worker mentor/she still is in contact with him though its b/c work.
I wanted to give up, I was basically planning an exit timeline. My needs weren't getting met, she wasn't trying, yada yada yada. My bomb is from 11/2010. But when I took a step back I realized everything I've ever wanted in a partner, she had. There was no one else to 'tempt' me. Plus our kids are very young(2,5). Plus, I'm only 41, so I had some time.
Then about a month ago, things started to change. We aren't fully R, but I feel better about it. She is doing a lot of planning for our future. She has never said "I want to work on the marriage" But if you asked her, I'm sure she'd say she is and has been showing it. It's slow but it's going. If I would have given up, I might have lost that chance.
Originally Posted By: rickb89
And BTW...whose the OW your referring to? My friends and me are curious as hell. Am I having blackout spells and going vampire at night or something?
Unless, I'm confusing your with someone else, did you have a friend who was going through something similar who expressed an interest?
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
your kids are so lucky to have such a great dad who loves them and has been a shining example of a man who has fought to the best of his abilities for them. When the apocalypse comes.. They'll be in good hands!