Glad everyone is learning new things: me fixing water heaters and learning to find other's threads!

25, I'll go look at my other thread for your post smile

H just dropped a mini bomb, kinda. He asked me if he could have primary custody of the kids when he gets back from AFG. He said its only fair, I deserve it, he'll want to reconnect with them.... I wanted to cry.

I was surprised. I told him that I couldn't answer right now because that was something I would have to give a lot of thought to. He understood. He continued talking about living arrangements and how he's not trying to take them away forever. He rattled off some ideas that's he's already researched housing and the possibility of me staying in my current house; what to do when he deploys again; and daily schedules. He did say that he hadn't worked all the details out, but these were things he's been thinking about.

[interesting side note: he talked about the apartment he would get and I asked him how he was going to fit the kids and all their/his stuff in there. He responded with: "well, I don't have that much stuff. I mean, all my garage stuff will stay in there and I'll probably have to become more establishe in the guest room- but I could make it work." I didn't say anything about this- but really?!?! This man is saying that we are going to be divorced, living separately AND he's going to keep his stuff here?!?! How does this make sense to him??? Can we say cake eating?? Does this sound like someone who's conflicted??]

I listened to everything, didn't offer much to the conversation and again just told him that I would have to sit with this for a while an see how it makes me feel.

It's talks this these, that I realize I've been getting hopes up. When H talks about the future (a year away!!!) and us living separately... I get sad all over again. It's my own fault for letting myself think that just b/c we are getting along and he hasn't talked about our sitch in a while- doesn't mean it's not still on his mind.

I wish someone could tell me how to have hope when I hear things like this, cause I don't see it!! He is getting a plane in 2.5 months, it still makes my heart stop to think about saying good-bye.

M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12