Wow, good luck with growing that backbone, because you need it now. Don't ever think, much less say you would consider letting her take the kids off to OM while you stay and work to support her. You think this is an honorable thing to do, she is thinking she will get most of ex-husbands paycheck and the kids will call OM "dad". If she wants OM that bad, she can leave the kids or he can move. You dont need to sacrifice your career and support group for the benefit of your wife's relationship with OM. If she doesn't want you, she needs to fend for herself financially too. This bird nesting idea is just you giving her ever more money, more freedom, more control.
You are already at the point of separation, you need to be legally protected now. Do not leave the house, even for bird nesting until you have a custody order in place. You also need this so she cant leave and take the kids. You probably wont be able to get them back if she does this without an order in place. And figure out what your minimum support order will be. Even in no fault states, adultery can very often be used to avoid spousal support. Child support will be based on a formula - you should give her no more than that, and only do so when ordered to.
