not enought time and too much distance

[any chance?]

Thought I would check in and say hello. Hope everyone is hanging in there as much as possible. I have not posted in quite a while.

Got legally separated in late January. Seven weeks later I have not heard one word from my XW. Last time I heard her voice was on a speakerphone in a courtroom. Sent her a settlement check immediately after the legal proceeding, and it got returned, as there was no one at the address to sign for it. Seems she moved a few hundred miles away to live with an old boyfriend. That did not take her long. Still have the check. Don't know where to send it, and she has not contacted me to tell me where she is.

Sent her a text last week, as it is the anniversary of her father's passing, and it has always been a rough time for her. She texted me back, thanking me, telling me her mother was ill. I responded in a kind fashion. Nothing since.

I am backsliding today. I have been moving forward, GAL, trying to get back on track. Today I realize that I must be the worst thing that every happened to her, a true black mark in her life. I am stunned by the feeling that she hates me and truly wants nothing to do with me ever again. And this is after all the platitudes about not wanting to lose me or my family, that she loves me and doesn't want to me out of her life. Blah, blah, blah. All lies. I just cannot get over the fact that we shared 20 years together and she can just toss me out like so much garbage. Feeling pretty small and sh*tty.

Sorry. Thanks for listening.