Where to next?

[oldtimer]

You want a commitment for the forseeable future? Hmmmm. Amazon isn't selling crystal balls yet.

So, again: what would you have said if he asked you to marry him tomorrow?

[mishka422]

I would have said "Let's talk about it." That is all.

A commitment for the forseeable future was probably not the best choice of words. I just want to know if he sees this as a temporary arrangement or if he is committed to having a R with me. Period. Marriage is not important to me at this point, just some reassurance that I am not 100% off base about where I think our R is.

Simple? No. It is what I need though. He has been showing me more since we talked that he is not viewing this as temporary. I'm feeling better about it now.

[oldtimer]

Hmmmm.... You keep evading the question. I believe you would NOT agree to marry him now.

It seems what you want is an exclusive romantic relationship in which both partners are open to a more permanent commitment, but aren't there yet and aren't sure that it will happen.

So, I'm glad things are going better and that you feel more secure.

If it comes up again, you might say to Gabe: "Gabe, I want an exclusive romantic relationship. To me, this means exclusivity in the context of being open to a more permanent commitment, even though we aren't there yet and we have no idea whether that it will happen. Does that work for you?"

My guess is he would say yes.

So, are you really on different pages?

[mishka422]

I certainly wouldn't agree to it without a lot of talking about it and counseling. That would be imperative to me. It's not anywhere close to happening right now and that is just fine with me.

I like the way you worded that OT. That is exactly it. An exclusive romantic relationship which is open to a more permanent commitment. That sounds exactly like what I was asking for but didn't have the right words to express.

I don't think we are on different pages now that I've given it time to sink in to him. He hasn't come out and said the words but he has given me actions that show he is not thinking of us as temporary. That makes me feel a little better.

[MichelleLT]

OT definitely put it well.

Good job again Mish on expressing yourself and giving him time to make positive changes. I am glad he is stepping up and doing things to reassure you!

[mishka422]

Some days I swear I nearly feel normal and then I read something or see something and it sets me into a TERRIBLE mindset!

No, this has nothing to do with Gabe. He is making a point of being very caring and involved at home.

This is just me.

The case in point....

I have been an avid watcher of Days of Our Lives since I was 12 years old. Yes, we all have our vices, and this is one of mine. Normally the story lines don't phase me at all but there are a couple right now that are just rubbing me the wrong way. In short, two of the couples on the show are involved in cheating in one way or another. They are finding all sorts of reasons for justifying it and talking about how they felt ignored and taken for granted blah blah blah. I find myself getting so angry watching it even though my very logical mind says "it's only a TV show". I guess it just hits too close to home still.

I know....it's silly.....just bothersome!

[MichelleLT]

Not silly, and very bothersome.

Stuff like that still gets under my skin as well.

[mishka422]

Starting a new thread.....