"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
Your H was going to school and promised he would get a job once school was over. He broke that promise. Or said a different way, he changed his mind.
Did you take on his debt because of a promise, or did you take on the debt because spouses claim to agree to that when they M? It's generally in the vows...
You indicate that you get paid well for what you do, but you would rather be paid less to have less stress. Is that correct? So you would not have taken this job if it weren't for the debt?
What is wrong with the work? Why is it stressful? If the work would be less stressful, would you keep it? Or is it really just about the money and the fact that your H is not contributing? If it would be YOUR debt... debt that YOU accumulated and had to pay back, would you be mad at yourself for having to work a stressful job?
No judgements here, just putting stuff out there because sometimes people don't see the forest for the trees.
Sometimes... and yes, I read that you are living in your H's, parent's apartment. Do you see that as him not contributing? I'm guessing you pay less to live there.
The argument can be made that he is not contributing. But if that were the case, then why would the law state that inheritance is joint? He is contributing if you will, by way of inheritance, because at this time he has little other way to do so. If it weren't for his "contribution", you two would possibly be struggling even more, financially.
There are many ways to restructure debt load. One way is to make more money. One way is to live more frugally. Another way is to restructure debt repayment. If you are simply cash poor, then restructuring may be an option. Yes, we've all heard that we should pay our debt as quick as possible so we don't pay all that interest. The reality is, if it's killing you (or your M) and you can't afford food on the table, then it just may not be worth it.
So... I think there's more to it than being upset that he doesn't have a job. I do think that you resent your BF. And then... you feel sorry for him and emotionally beat yourself up over resenting him...
How does that serve you?
While you are working through this, it might be worth making a list of deal breakers. What would absolutely have to happen or what can absolutely NOT happen, or you would choose to walk?
