When it's a one-way street...part 4

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CV,

Yes, it felt like you went from deciding to be a little nice to H to giving yourself to him completely. You have to build up to that for yourself too.

WRT eating in restaurants, YES get up and leave H with the friends. Call them after the fact to explain if you want. Leave him sitting there with your friends. How many times do you think you'll have to do that to change his behavior forever? I would bet no more than twice, then the issue is forever put to bed.

For your mantra, a great book is "Mindful Loving". It describes exactly how to achieve what your mantra implies. It's strange and new age style so you have to give it a chance, but great stuff in there mixed in with some craziness

In terms of my other comments, you seem to swing between cutting off H completely emotionally, and then trying to give him all you've got. Is there a path where you give him a little (kindness, opportunity to step up, whatever) and then dial back if you need to, or give a little more if he is stepping up and being respectful.

I assume at some point you told him exactly what YOU expect from this marriage and what you will not tolerate, right? He's clear on the path to success and is choosing not to take it versus being bad at mind reading?

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