DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5)

[Harrier]

Rick...I hope you don't take this as criticism of your effort.

But what I read from your story that you basically gave your wife a choice of working on the M or herself. I think it was an impossible choice to begin with.

From your first posts here, your W has said to you all along that she needs to figure her major, major issues out. She is broken and you can't possible expect to repair the M with one party who is so broken. Why would you want to even try?

Maybe she will never be fixed, but again that is not your issue for now.

I mean to some extent you kept the pressure up to work on the M, whether unconsciously or not. It was only a month ago that you were still confused about the idea of "detachment" (or so you said.)

You also said that you 9 months isn't that long of a time to deal with a crisis such as hers. But then 12 months is?

I think another part of this equation is your mutual interest from an OW.

Look, only you truly know your situation and everyone has a breaking point. But I would urge you to really think about things.

They say it takes a months for every year of marriages...that's 2 years for you. No one is saying you have to be a doormat for 2 years or put your life on hold for 2 years, but I don't think you give up either.

Lastly, I'm not quite clear on what you are actually doing here. Are you divorcing? Separating? asking her to move out? or keeping the in-house separation and just emotionally stepping back? have you communicated this to her more clearly than here.

"I am done with her" can mean so many things. I think you have to figure out what this means to you - really. (you've said similar things the past 2 months, then you come back)

sorry if this seems a little blunt and I know the frustration too well.