Bustorama, interesting. I can see that it would be healing to totally accept, if not agree with, your WAS's feelings, rather than to fight them. I think it could be a way to really heal and let go of the anger at your S for not doing what you thought he/she should have done to save your M. In my case, my h keeps emphasizing that his feelings are "real" and "not a joke." Things have gone a lot better for us once I started validating how he feels. He feels what he feels -- it is neither right nor wrong. It is also easier for me to go through this if I see us as two equals with differing approaches, rather than adversaries or as victim/perpetrator. I do think this kind of acceptance is difficult and comes with time and, to a certain extent, detachment. I am still working on it.
