Thank you for the feedback...I was totally listening. I held off on creating any more drama and trying to get in touch with her BF until I was thinking more clearly and/or heard a more sane opinion, and I got it! I don't want to be the arbiter of anyone's conduct, because that will likely backfire and it's not the high road that I want to take. I thought it might have been the right thing to do, but I get that it isn't. I don't want to be the catalyst for anyone getting hurt either. Although if I'm being honest, I wouldn't mind her getting hurt. Because I'm hurting so much. It's how I feel.

I ordered both books as soon as I found this board a couple of days ago, so they should be here soon. This pain is almost too much to bear, and I'm still kind of numb, so I want to be ready for anything, and I definitely want to react the right way. Why have two married clueless people walking around, when there can be just one?

I never thought I'd say this, but no - cheating is not a deal breaker for me. Repeated cheating? Probably. Because to me that says, "I have a ticket to walk all over you, thank you for the free pass." At this point, I don't know if he broke it off. I told him the other day before we spoke on the phone that I wasn't ready to see him in person. Part of me is confident he'll stop this affair now. The other half of me doesn't believe a thing he says. I was relieved that he was remorseful, but that's only a small flash of hope.

I'm getting that I need to focus on me - and not for him. I'd really prefer to focus on him, but how's that been working out for me? I think that although his cheating was his choice, I have a huge part in why this M has been rocky on some levels. I have been jealous and distrusting and angry when I got scared. I probably backed him into a corner, or smothered him, or both. I hate that I have. But all I can do is the best I can do starting today. I have resisted the urge to text, call or email. Today I'm going to try to get out and GAL!

I appreciate that this board is here, and that you guys are listening and sharing your stories for us newbies. I'm sure it's not going to be smooth sailing, and I need the support. I'm not planning to tell my family or friends (I've told one) unless all is said and done and over. For now, I'd like to think that this M is salvageable, I just don't know how yet.