There's been a lot of study on dreams and some people believe that there is significance to them. A more recent study suggests that dreams are simply a way of the brain to purge and that what ever imagery you are visualising in your dream is irrelevant to the purging and processing of the brain.
The likelihood is that your dream is simply something that is on your mind and during your sleep, your brain wanders to that. So certainly, you may want to consider why your brain wants to consider your H has returned home. If you don't want the dream, again, studies show that you can thought change, even during a dream. Otherwise, you are likely dreaming about it because you WANT to dwell on it. Why?
It might be helpful to read up on pursuit/distance if you have not already done so.
There is a lot of discussion that goes on regarding that and whether it is possible that by going no contact, the other spouse will distance further.
Your H is living with the OW. Do you think he is doing that to test you to see if you will chase him? Do you think he's with the OW and thinking, "well, if she really loved me, she would come after me."?
Yeah... probably not so much...
The only way that you can interfere with his desire to be with the OW is to be the more attractive option. But you can only successfully be the attractive option if you are doing it for YOU, not for him. And when there is contact, he will see those qualities... that value... in you...
And if he chooses to be attracted to it, then great...
And if he chooses not to be, then... he's likely a fool...
or he has decided to simply "settle" for the OW...
The most difficult thing for the LBS is when the WAS/MLCer says, "if only you had fought harder for me" or "too little, too late" or "you never... [insert some other form of projection, here]"
Generally speaking, people don't run FROM... they run TO...
Even when someone says that they are running from an abusive R (which is a GOOD thing), they are actually running TO safety, as much or more so than they are running FROM their abuser. That's noted in the many situations where a person will stay in an abusive R because they are "scared" or "they hurt me, but deep down they are good people and care about me". "Flight", or running from, is a spontaneous condition. Otherwise we tend to move towards a better option.
So again... at this time, don't worry about whether he will notice, because he will... eventually... so how are you becoming a better option?
