taking the time to watch the wave

[BFloat]

We made it to miniature world and the bug museum and had an all around great day. That is.. Until bedtime. They drove me bonkers!!! In fact I was head butted twice by D2... Accidentally but.. It hurt!! My patience was running thin.

I had planned on putting them to bed and then going for a little walk after they fell asleep but.. I finally admitted defeat and put on my pjs. D sees them and says.. Oooohhhhhhhhhh I like you clothes.. And then she said, nice jammies mommy! At which point her and S started clapping. It was so ridiculous that I had to laugh! How do you stay made at cute lil monkeys??

H txted in the evening saying "hope everyone is ok and safe". I answered back about 2 hrs later.. Zombies are invading Victoria! Send help quick! He answered.. What? Wow. There goes that joke. Lol!

We've been txt'ing back and forth about the day and the kids. H asked about my new sked because he wants to go on little road trip w/ friend before they leave for NZ. Finally I said I hated to ask but were we still going to retrouvaille? H answered he planned on it and had actually taken a day off so he wouldn't be tired for the first evening. Can you say.. Shocked??? Surprised he remembered!! But.. No mind reading.

We go home tomorrow. Am looking forward to the mundane routine of home. I have to say.. First trip w/ kids w/out H and I survived! Did not have sad moments. Just enjoyed seeing my kids have fun.

I'm in such a different space from where i was a few months ago. I can't even fathom how much despair I felt. There are moments of sadness (only occasionally) but for the most part.. I'm ok. I feel different. More me if that makes any sense.

If there is anyone new reading my sitch.. In the beginning I was really a mess (just check out my earlier threads) but it's true what everyone says... Time is a gift we've been given. Without it I may still be stuck in the same M.. Unhappy.. Dead.. Just existing.. DB helped me find myself. And the people on the board taught me how to accept myself and know that I am worthy of great love.. And a great M.

I truly don't know what the future holds. Some days I think about a future with H.. And some days I can see a future without him. One day at a time. See where this journey leads. I'm taking the scenic route.