for a SUKKY Situation that reeked from the start when he left a pregnant wife...
if you were not physically threatening him it's inexucable. BTW If you were so crazy angry and "abusive," WHY DID HE LEAVE HIS CHILDREN WITH YOU???)
Yes I think it's about the money. As does his own family. He may not consciously admit it but surely the timing must strike even him, as suspect.
Do you have any evidence/emails of his prior statements about his schedule and how tough it would be for him to "handle all three kids"? That will help and as La or val said
hand THAT over to the L's...
If your h is ever to see the light it will ONLY be AFTER he accomplishes his "Mission" which he is pursuing, "damned the consequences" in a terrible effort to prove himself "right"...after all, he and OW MUST be happy or...or all this pain will have been for nothing and will be on him...
Leave him to his task...which for now is to be with OW until the shine wears off.
OW never had to do half what you have done so frankly, I TIRE of hearing about how difficult you were
when you BOTH were setting YOU and the m, up for failure b/c of the Superwoman BS.
I believe you when you say you acted like a bitter shrew and withheld sex, and I think that's a stupid thing to have done...but you are human and you learned AND good Lord, look at your sitch! (It's like holding me accountable for what I said while I was in labor for our kids...we don't go there)
Can YOU give yourself a break?
Yes turn the m over to God for YOUR PEACE of mind, and let go of what you cannot control, which is most (not all, but most) of this.
I used to say out loud in the shower, "God I hand this anger/pain/marriage over to you" (depending on my mood.) I said it often.
Thinking it, saying it and hearing myself say it somehow helped it sink in better.
The Serenity prayer probably says it best:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can; and
the wisdom to know the difference."
By being calmer and more serene, your attitude with the kids will improve, and your fears of abandonment will hopefully be lessened, b/c it's not as if you are not "doing" anything about that issue. You are.
IF you know in your heart that you are not acting out of a dark wounded place or from a raging anger,
But that you are simply engaged in self preservation for YOU and the kids
then hold your head high knowing you did the best you could in a shitzy sitch. The truth will be revealed in time.
But it's like the airlines say, "put the 0xygen mask on YOU FIRST, or no one gets saved"--DO NOT confuse protecting yourself/kids security, with being selfish.
Your h's choice to rent a place he knew YOU TWO could not afford to give himself & OW the comforts of a man who can afford it is selfish. So was his leaving you while pregnant. So was cheating. All three of these things^^^ hurt the CHILDREN not just emotionally but financially and possibly educationally.
Someone has to put them first. Maybe he will in the future. But you have 14 months history of him NOT doing that. Damn...he left you while you were pregnant.
I can't believe you carried the baby full term. (Someday I hope you tell him "You're welcome!")
So I'd say you two are more than even now, so please stop wearing the hair shirt about what a crap w you were, and how YOU got yourself here, etc. Stay on course.
Keep being the new you (as much as you can; it's not a linear growth path) to and with him---but if his perspective is clouded by selfishness on his end AND OR self preservation on your part, so be it.
When the dust settles and he reflects on the wreckage, he'll have to own that he "left my w when she was pregnant with our THIRD child in 4 years" and though HE SAYS it isn't about the money, it is. He's really been out of touch in fantasy land and if you are not the messenger of doom, and let the Lawyers do their job, then he'll get some reality therapy.
What choice do you have, given his "proposal"?
He wants you to go back to work now full time making big bucks AS A SINGLE MOTHER??? And HE got that apartment? It's about the money...
So really you have no choice. Leave him alone so he can get out in the real world and get his head out of the clouds and get some Reality Therapy.
While you get legal counsel and some dang peace of mind.
Turn the marriage over to God, and turn the legalities over to your L.
And keep on keeping on...
this too, shall pass.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
