W called when I was writing this at the hockey rink while my S10 has tryouts for a traveling hockey team. Asked about the tryouts and then told me she was taking the kids to her friends house on Saturday.
This bugged me and it should not have, she is living her life w/out me. I guess if she were not taking the kids that would be one thing, but she is.
Was mad and going to tell her that if you do not want to spend Saturday with me then maybe we shouldn't go to Florida as a family. Then your "stuck" with me for five straight days. That would have been a real d**k move on my part. I don't know why this made me mad.
I talked to a friend and calmed down abit. We are making plans to hang out on Saturday. I need to work on not showing her any emotions. This is just so f**ked up, at times I can see the woman I married and then the next the zombie is back.
I realize that I am an impatient person and that this is one of my worst attributes. I am really really trying to do things just for me and the kids, but then I think about the family and it makes me very sad and hopeless. I still love my W very much, I am attracted to her as much, if not more, as I was when I first met her.
Then I begin the battle in my head to stay or go. Selfishly thinking that by not having me around she would realize what she does not have. When I am here I am still helping with the kids and doing things around the house, etc. She gets all the benefits of the M without having to make a commitment of any kind. Then I think that by being here I tug my kids in every night and make them breakfast in the morning. Providing for my family is very important to me. This was really brought home in the "Save Your Marriage, W/out About It Book."
I am trying to keep this all in and be the father to my children and keep my head above water at work. Sorry for venting.
