WHG: And Alice goes down the rabbit hole...

[workinghardguy]

Thanks everyone. I do realize she's not my friend I was just curious what the thoughts out there were. She is my acquaintance right now, and also the mother of my son. So that adds a layer to the acquaintance role.

I'm going to have to ponder the Facebook thing. As far as it being BS whether I think about her when I post or not... think what you want. But for months she never commented or responded to any post I made. I assumed she had me blocked, and perhaps she did. So I grew accustomed to simply living my life as I did. Then suddenly one day she started following and commenting on posts. I don't know what changed or why she started doing it. I can't remember if it was before or after the move either. However I pretty much only post stuff about my kids to Facebook. Other than when I was in DC I can't remember the last time I posted "me" stuff on there.

I think it's civility and being dark I'm struggling with finding the right balance between. Going dark seems to require some level of incivility, doesn't it?

I also think that I may have painted a darker picture of my W that's somewhat unfair to her. Some of OT's questions/comments made me realize this. Though in fairness to OT he only knows her through my comments and observations.

She has not manipulated me so she can go party. When she asks me to watch the kids she is honest about it. And when I say no she does get a little testy but accepts it. As far as her dating life, I also believe she's been honest so far. Friends who were at the music thing say the same thing she has said. Yes, some will say I'm being blind and stupid, but it's impossible to impart all the detail that goes into life in board posts so I won't even try.

She can be manipulative I realize that. Particularly when something in her life is going wrong she reaches out to me to vent and complain. The issue between her and her XH at court are a perfect example. I need to find a way to discern those moments from communication about the kids moments. More specifically I have to be better at stopping her from going down those roads while we're having a conversation about the kids.

Something else OT said... whether she shows me consideration... she does. Not a lot, but more than I expect quite frankly. She volunteered last weekend to come over and let the dog out while I was gone all weekend. Last week when I was dropping off the kids she asked if I was doing okay, and I believe she was honestly asking. She has been very adamant about paying for her half of any related cost where she wouldn't have to and could easily stick me with the bill.

No... she's not acting like my W. Yes, my friends are people who don't only call me when they need something or want to vent about something, and who take my calls when I need to vent or complain about something. At the same time I don't know that she wouldn't do that... I haven't tested that nor do I plan to.

So it brings me back to finding the point between dark and civility where they meet. Where I can live with myself and yet do the right thing... and I don't know that those two things are congruent quite frankly.