No Contact was the hardest and most alone time I had ever felt in my life. yes the silence is deafening. It really is, but over time you will get used to it. It's not fun and you may feel more alone with NC than you ever have during this. I know I did. I didn't realize how accustomed I had grown to having contact with my H. It took some getting used to the NC, but it was the best thing for me. By one month of NC I was used to it. By 2 months I was starting to realize I didn't need him for anything and that I can depend on me or others for things I'd normally turn to him for. By month 3 I was getting good and detatched and feeling good about myself. Self esteem rising and knowing that Im ok alone! I will be ok!
Then at the end of month 3 communcation started again due to parenting plans w/divorce and Holidays with the kids. It started with lovely spew from him, but then worked into amicable exchanges. I won't lie as time went on and the communication has gotten more, and we've basically gone back to serious parenting together again, and it has shaken me to the core. I've had to re evaluate all my feelings for him again and sort them out. It hasn't been a picnic and many feelings of anger, resentment, betrayal, then love, and being grateful to him have been juggling around too.
I agree that the time away and NC can play a big part in them coming out of the tunnel and facing reality. But it takes a long time, some MLCers more than others. Life just has to happen, and reality will always find a way. It's just never on our time table that we wish for. Putting it all in God's hands and reminding ourselves that God is in control helps very much. I haven't been very patient with God's timing, but Im working on it.
I think that perhaps time, NContact, and a big dose of reality biting him in the butt has happened to stbx for he's still going strong with positive changes that are even blowing me away. He's acting like the man I married and fell in love with time and time again. Sad thing is, he's with the OW. But now I realize I really don't have anything to feel jealous of at all in regards to her or them together.
Hang in there, you've just begun the most difficult part of the journey, which is the process of letting go of him and grabbing ahold of you!
