Well, yesterday was another full day without talking to h. I am doing better accepting this and moving on. I was slightly depressed yesterday because it seemed that the glamour and novelty of GAL had worn off a bit, and I was left to just live my life as a single person. It was not a desperate kind of depression, but just kind of a disappointment or resignation. But then I realized that I was choosing to be disappointed and resigned and that while it was OK and even natural to feel this way, I was erecting my own limitations. Sure, I won't be engaged in wildly exciting activities all the time (and don't have the energy or inclination anyway), but that doesn't mean that "living my life" as a single person has to be some sort of compromise.

There are so many things I am learning about myself living alone. I actually LIKE coming home to an empty house. I thought that it would be very lonely and depressing and that I would have to steel myself for it, but I have really taken to it. It's a relaxing, peaceful sanctuary from the rest of my life. Being alone also helps me to REALLY think about what I want out of life. Not what "we" want, or what I should want, or what is possible given both our careers, but what I actually dream of doing, given no obstacles. This is an incredibly freeing way of thinking.

I make plans for myself, read books to better myself, and try to see my h with as much compassion and understanding as possible. I am not an angel so there are times I want to kick his a$$, but I can usually find some affection for him somewhere. Strangely, understanding his point of view helps me to detach because there is nothing that will keep you stuck on something like anger.

Mimi


M:37; H:37; M:10 years;T:13 years;no kids.
Bomb ("I love you, but don't feel things for you I should":1/08/12
Separated (H living with various friends:1/18/12
Separated (H rented his own apartment:3/4/12