Back again...again!

[Psych77]

Thank you, everyone, for your concern. I will be careful what I say, although I don't think I quite have to be, as nothing I have done was meant maliciously. But there may be some degree of self-centeredness or lack of self control (meltdowns) that may benefit.

As for being set up, I did think of that, but only with that part of my mind that makes up nasty scenarios about people I am angry with. When my rational mind is in charge, I don't really believe at all that W is doing this as a trap.

There are a few reasons I don't think this will work out that way:


[list]
[*]I have already told W that if she wants D I will move out without any trouble. I can't force her to stay with me, and if the kids have to be with one or the other, I think they will be better off with her, given that I work full time and then some

[*]I also have told W that if we split, I will pick up all the overtime I can in order to see that I can support myself separately without the family taking a financial hit. It is something I need to do to be true to myself. So, in short, there would be nothing to be gained by trumping up evidence against me.

[*]As far as custody goes, I am not worried. W loves her children, and knows how attached they are to me. She wouldn't screw them by deliberately depriving them of their father.

[*]On top of all this, W has always been up front with me. If there is anything I can say about her, as angry and hurt as I have been with her at times, is that she is not a back stabber. To lure me into a situation by playing on my hopes for recovery of M (she introduced the idea by asking, "How far are you willing to go to save this M?")just so she can trick me into a legal trap would be quite out of character for her. If not, then I have not come to know her at all in 18 years.


Believe me, I have thought about your cautions, and in this current situation it is stressful to even consider the idea that she would stoop to that kind of betrayal, but after thinking about it, I am as sure as is humanly possible (of course, I can't read minds).

W does know that I have Asperger's. It just doesn't ease the pain she feels in response to my behavior. As I said before, I think her history of abuse by her family of origin may intensify her perception of what happened.

She has not seen a lawyer, and even when, recently, she suggested that I live elsewhere (my sleeping separately was a compromise, such that increased financial stress does not ensue), she hastened to add, "I don't want a divorce, I just want you to be away for a while."

I am seen psychiatrically for Asperger's, and I also have an IC who follows my progress.

I realize that going to this program is a great leap of faith. But think about it for a second. Every time you ML with your spouse (unless you use "protection" every time) you are acting in trust - after all, you have no guarantee that he/she has not been sleeping around on you, and doesn't stand to infect you with HIV or whatever else. If you have no evidence to the contrary, you trust that your M has been exclusive, so you willingly take the risk.

W has given me no reason to believe that she is trying to "get rid of" me, and she knows that she would not have to scheme to do so. She has given me no evidence that she is ready to become dishonest in order to eject me from our family. She shows no sign of losing regard for the welfare of our children, or loss of the knowledge that hitting each other below the belt would do them damage. Even when our children have asked why I am now sleeping separately, she has been careful to couch things in terms that respect both of us.

I guess I am just typing out my mental process, and my reasons for my conclusions - and doing so has helped me become more certain of them. Thank you for your input, everyone.

I am still nervous about going for that intake assessment (it is tomorrow), but I guess I will just have to bite down and do it. I'll let you know how it goes.