Well, I have 54 days completed in the Insanity workout. Dropped a bunch of weight and I'm really starting to feel good. Tonight my son and I are going out for an event at a local arena and we are excited about it. The W wanted to sleep over last night and I told her I was ok with it. I told her I would sleep on the couch. We both fell asleep watching some television. When we woke she asked me to go up with her. I told her no, but she started to cry. So I went up with her. No contact in bed though. Not sure if that is part of db'n or not, but I didn't take that ticket this time TG. It was really nice seeing our S react this morning to seeing his Mom here. He was so happy. I know it hurt her because she was able to see in his face how much he missed him Mom. She just left a bit ago and I just got him ready for school. Off to drop him off now. Thanks for all the advice everyone. It does help even though it seems to take a long long time for it to sink in...
I told her no, but she started to cry. So I went up with her. No contact in bed though. Not sure if that is part of db'n or not, but I didn't take that ticket this time TG.
DB'ing is to do what works, but be sure to note what happened here, you pulled back she did not get her way, she started to cry, you gave in.
As long as YOU are OK with that it is fine.
Going back to page one we said that you were enabling.
Is this more of the same?
I am not saying what you did is wrong, but just look at and be responsible for your part.
Her crisis is hers, not yours. Just do what YOU need to DO for YOU. Not as a tactic to win her back.
Cadet, I see what you are saying and went back for review of first page posts. I did enable by giving in to her tears. Just finished up on DR. I had read about half of DB so I think I'll finish that. Next week I am going to begin reading the wounded heart and I'm waiting for the other book to arrive that you recommended TG specifically for the spouse.
I have no intention of using our S as bait labug. The actions of my W have taken a large enough toll on him. Had a great weekend. Out at the local arena for an event, had to squeeze in some work, and then a relaxing day including watching the new Dr Seuss movie on at the theatre. With the great weather it was time to get started picking up the yard. I really enjoy this time of year and everything besides what is happening with our sitch is actually great. I've been working to compartmentalize it into it's own little section so it doesn't inflict damage on everything else. So far so good. Lots of reading. It is surely helping.
Well I haven't been speaking with any of our friends about the sitch or our family members. I realize that it's probably not helpful or beneficial for me to keep this all in. I also think that in moments of weakness I get to "kicking the old tires" around in my head. I have never visited a therapist and I assume most people won't volunteer the information if they are or at least my immediate group of friends/family have not. How do you select a therapist that would be helpful or pick one?
I'd like to say that this roller coaster has the steepest drop of any I've been on along with the most bunny hills. The db'n has been working pretty well and I've dropped the ball enough to realize that it's much more effective than the first few days of begging, pleading, and trying to make sense out of the situation that defies all logic. We really haven't had any conversations over the past 5 days or so with the exception of the normal chit chat about planning our S's schedule. I've noticed that when we are in the house and I'm off doing my own thing she has been trying to locate me to inquire what I'm doing. I believe someone had posted about men naturally not being good at playing it off, but I'm getting better at it. I think I sounded like a broken record at first.
How do you select a therapist that would be helpful or pick one?
The company I work for has an EAP. I received a list of referrals from them and began to ask each therapist questions I thought relevant to my situation. At the time I was attempting to find a solutions based MC. I lucked out in that the MC recommended the therapist I eventually used after a few sessions with W.
As difficult as it was I needed to let a few people know as the situation would eventually affect them. They all did not find out at the same time. I chose to speak about it to the people before they were affected so they would know why I was distant or having difficulty. My immediate supervisor and HR were among the first as I needed a few days to sort out personal aspects and would not be on the job. W had already informed most of the immediate family prior to the bomb so I was spared that.
I needed a support group outside of this board. I needed people I could rely upon to be at the other end of the phone. I needed people to hug me and be there to receive a hug. ((())) though heartfelt do not substitute the real thing.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
