Alright, so let me try to get this on to the DBing side of things.
More background on the situation itself. So I moved out on Jan 27th. On Feb 11, we were talking about the kids on the phone and she brought up making things permanent. I fell apart completely. I brought this up with my therapist, and his advice was to take things slow.
The next Sat (Feb 18), my father comes to me all upset, saying that my wife had spoken to him and told him she was planning on filing following week. She also included a comment from the lawyer that if I tried to fight it, I would be putting his kids through college instead of mine.
By now I had read DB, but still made the mistake of calling her. I started out calm, but fell apart by the end. What I did get out of this conversation was: She had a consultation with the lawyer, but hadn't paid anything yet, the comment about putting kids through college wasn't a threat, but a statement of fact given new NY laws, and basicly she wants to be done and get on with her life.
I told her what my therapist said about taking it slow, and she responded that she was told she needed to get things done quickly so she could start to heal. In fact she couldn't start to heal until the divorce was final. (I don't know much about psychology, but this sounds contrary to everything I do know. Healing is dependent on something external ? But obviously I am biased. Heavily biased.)
Later in the day there were some quick texts exchanged. I asked why she told this to my father at all, she answered that she was concerned about my reactions, wanted to make sure I was OK. I responded "I'm not."
Since then, I've tried to implement LRT. I call to talk to the kids every night, but only speak to her when we need to talk about pickups and such. It's now March 13 and I haven't received any letters from lawyers.
I've lost 36 pounds, which isn't bad since I used to weight 308. I've started walking to make sure I can keep it up. When I got that heavy I didn't even want to buy clothes, and having my own business I didn't bother getting dressed in anything other than jeans and t-shirt/flannel for work. I've bought some new clothes and am actually dressing for work.
I'm seeing the therapist and psychiatrist regularly. Last therapy session he told me I've made progress on anger, which felt good.
Other than that I'm a basket case, I can't concentrate at all on work. I've now read both DB and DR, and am working on "Change your life and everyone in it" for reinforcement.
M 42, W 40, S 11, D 9 Together 20 years, married 15 W Dropped Bomb 1/12/2012 I moved (kicked) out 1/27/2012
