Spending time together as a family is not counter to DB if you handle it right. If you project that you don't care if H shows up, doesn't show up, has a good time, doesn't have a good time and none of it is going to effect you, then you are fine, and by all means do what is best for your kids, including supporting a relationship with their father. Some folks have trouble not sliding into using the kids as an excuse to make contact. As long as you stay resolute in your "give space and act as if", then spend time together. I think you handled the whole scene above remarkably well.

Accuray

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015