Read the Solo Partner about pursuing/distancing. Wow. Pretty much right on target.
Update on the sitch...S18 home from weekend trip to Philly earlier than expected. Was able to go to S16's hockey game. Around 5 I let him know his D was going to be there. He has not seen him in 8 weeks. The tears start. He doesn't want to go because it will be too awkward but does want to see his D. I explain to him my plan, standing for our family, my M, forgiving my H and loving him where he is RIGHT NOW, and acknowledging that it hurts, validating S18's feelings...my sweet, sweet boy who looks like a grown man crying about seeing his D.
It occurs to me that it was weirder than anything at hockey rink for us too so suggest we see if D wants to meet us for pizza, neutral locale, etc. I couldn't decide if fell into category of pursuit or not but with tears flowing, I decided to follow my common sense.
So, text H to see if he has eaten and if he wants to meet for pizza. He says sure and will meet us in 30 minutes.
We drive there, get comfy booth, and wait. My H came in and gave S18 big hug, gave me all the Euros he had at his house for our trip, and we had lovely dinner and conversation and then off to S16's hockey game in separate cars. We even traded cars with so S18 could drive his new car (newer version of car S18 drives).
Stand together at hockey game, talk to friends who know the sitch and were perplexed...the Heinekens I had with pizza were giving me marvelous calm.
Kids go to leave after a win and he hugs all of them and then comes and gives me a hug goodbye. He then asks if he can drive us to the airport to save on parking because he will land at about the same time we do on Sunday. I say he does not have to but he insists so I agreed. We stood around for about 15 minutes and talked about the kids, etc, and then left.
My heart was singing with joy that we managed to get through the night without tears or drama. It was great...we just arrived and departed to our separate homes. The boys were confused but happy to have spent time together as a family, saying "that was weird but cool." Was this DB? Who knows. It was what was right for my S18 who is taking this so hard.
This attention is dangerous I know. I prayed vehemently that I have NO expectations. I will continue to initiate no contact and offer no invitations, yet mirror him, validate his feelings, and accept his help when he offers it.
Me: 44 H: 45 Married 22 S 18, S 16 Bomb 8/11, Second Bomb 1/12
