Of course it is important to have a relationship, a partnership that enriches our lives in which we share in joy, support each other through hard times, etc...
I have that, with many people. My H is not that person to me anyway. He is not supportive, he's not the one I would turn to in hard times anyway because he has already proven that he won't be there when I've needed him. Believing my M was supposed to be what you described is what has gotten me here in the first place.
Quote:
There is a difference between a strong, independent, self-sufficient, self-reliant, whole, well-grounded person and being alone and uncaring. The first requires detachment from another person's stuff so it doesn't warp you and undermine your happiness thereby making space for greater intimacy, the second requires alienation and denial of self and others.
If that doesn't make sense now, ignore it, and focus on the first stuff.
The depression/frustration/anger/hopelessness I've been feeling from trying to work on my M has made me alone and uncaring. The last 24 hours focusing on this mission has lightened my spirit in indescribable ways. I finally feel like I'm able to be caring for others, to want to be around people and not want to isolate myself in my home. For the first time, I think I can honestly say that I DON'T CARE if he's not happy with me. I no longer feel guilty about that. I will never breach my boundaries again, and if that means we never have sex again, then it's his problem. My trying to solve his problems creates problems for ME.
Trying to interact with my H in an intimate way is toxic for me. I refuse to be that stupid again. Call it me enforcing boundaries. I can be cordial, I can be respectful, because that is who I am. But we will not SHARE a life together. At this point, it would literally take a miracle.
