Six weeks of separation and counting

[ptcr]

Hi y'all, well H has a problem with spending. As a SAHM, I never felt "right" about making a comment. When I did, I was reprimanded (just ran across that comment today from old MC session years ago - stop focusing on our debt). That said, if we lived w/i our budget we could be out of debt fairly quickly. My working would have very little to do with this as his income is roughly 12x what mine is.

I am an old school Navy wife and SAHM married 22 years and have moved my family 12 times including to Europe and back. Was even told during New Wife Indoc...seriously, at Whiting Field, that I was not to make my husband late for work, I was to keep my s***t together and not cry when he was getting ready to go flying, I was to understand he was in service to our country and my job was to be of service to my husband. Seriously. A Navy Captain coached us new Ensign wives! LOL! Bet they aren't doing that anymore. I was in the first class of wives NOT allowed to taxi the T34 around the field Those were the days of Officer's Wives Clubs, calling cards, luncheons at the O Club, lots of volunteer work, frequent moves, starting a family at the ripe old age of 26, and the support of a squadron. Life in civilian world pales by comparison. This is when I obviously started losing myself for the greater good of my husband, his squadron, the Navy, our country's freedom. And I loved every minute of it. We were young, patriotic, moving to incredible places, having beautiful kids, making lifelong friends.

Fast forward to today...I have worked p/t for the past 4 years and it was an issue to my H that I was NOT available when he was home from a trip. He is an airline pilot. They are gone every holiday, birthday, anniversary, school play, sports playoff, etc. When they are home, they want your undivided attention. Their schedule is so erratic that, for the most part, it does not make work, even p/t work, something for the family to handle. He is solid gone, overseas gone, 1/2 of every month. I am the one to run to school with the lunch, cart a car load to youth group, and stay home with sick children. If he is home, he is a great Dad but if he is gone and we are all throwing up, then I am the one who has to figure out how to feed the dog, pay the bills and get to the store for some Gatorade. No pity party here. I LOVE my life, my children, and my H...but it is NOT easy. Working f/t has not EVER been an option for our family. So....I volunteer. I am the room mom, the Scout mom, the youth group mom, the hockey mom, the mom with cold drinks and ice cream on hot summer days, the mom who helped build the half pipe in our back yard so the boys and their friends could skate at OUR house. Because if H was on a trip, then who was going to do it? I would not trade these years for a seven figure 401K. It has, however, left me wondering who I AM!!!! Clearly, this led to the downfall.

That said, a job may be a good option for my mental health, but for now my IC says enjoy the quiet and the peace and let time be my friend. I am busy reading about codependency and deciding what color my parachute is