Thank you one and all for the love and support..truly you all are amazing people.
Last night I clearly expressed my beliefs in...essentially boiled down to me explaining my principles of love, M, commitment, rebuilding from pain, creating something new in place of something obsolete, love as a choice, that M's ebb and flow, that love is built,,,not dropped out of the sky like it seems when two people first get together.
Her opinion was quite the opposite...that if a R goes bad it's like an abscessed tooth that you rip out to save the rest of you, that you don't beat a dead horse, that she's been unhappy for a long time. I explained that I've been unhappy too for a long time. To me that meant we needed to find new tools to enhance our M, and that I'm not intimidated by the fact that there has been unhappiness. In the grand timeline of things, these moments were bound to happen along the line.
I said if we take just the first baby step in the direction of our M we can possible save all of this and that real M's are built softly, step by step, with a quiet gentle tenderness, and that the euphoria in all R's passes and should be replaced by these steps.
I said that she has quite some time to take even one step but instead has spent all her time on herself only and for herself only, which coupled with the lifestyle change has done a lot of damage..however I have stood by her her entire journey through this...and been rebuffed 100%.
So I said I see two paths for me...one is I walk with her step by step towards something great...or I am done with her ...
I know we have to communicate on kid matters and practical stuff. I told her she can text or email me for contact. She has made her choice..it's her life...I told her it's not something I respect morally and will not be in her life at all in that type of world
I'm f'in beat to shitt right now...no sleep at all...and I'm at work. Only my youngest knows this right now. I slept in his room last night to help both of us feel better. The other two don't know yet. None of them are surprised and had been suggesting I do this all along. I needed to give her my everything to see what could happen.
She should be moving and has said that she would, unless she goes back on her word (taht's a possibility). I need to try to maintain the home for six of us without her income, don't know if I can do it. I need to make it at least four years so Vinnie can go through HS in his home. It's very important to him.
Sometimes Michelle would make lunch for me. She asked me if I wanted her to today. I reiterated that we can share things if we are walking towards a new M, otherwise no I don't want anything. She called me on my cell also. I did not answer. I meant I'm done...she could have left a message or texted.
I knew this was coming for a long time but now that it's here I'm reeling. I vowed to the universe to give me everything it has and needs me to do in this sitch. I was willing to go forever for her. She chose such an immoral path (by my definition) that she became the abscessed tooth (to use her analogy).
I'm not sure of how to unwind this practically. For all I know she could go into wronged spouse attack mode and try to "f" me over.
She asked me last night again to show her how to take care of finances. You know, I've been at this with her for 20+ years...just to try and learn it. Now that she's going to be on her own...she really going to need this. Part of me wants to say kiss my a$$...good luck trying to swim. I will however give her this last parting gift and good luck to her.
