No, I'm not interested in being the victim. I'm trying to figure out how to make my M work. I'm getting some mixed message here -- some say keep trying, keep giving him an opportunity to shine, forgive and get over the past and reengage, then you're saying to stop doing all those things because it means I don't have boundaries. It can't be both.
You're right CV. Speaking very subjectively, from my own experience, a lot of talk about "forgiveness" seems simplistic and theoretical and comes across like all you need to is "will it" and a switch will be thrown.
What I mean is real life isn't like that for everyone, perhaps for some, but I'd submit that most of us need a lot of fvcking time to get over things. I've said before, you cannot speed up healing, especially when it comes to emotional scars, and that's what we're all dealing with here, our emotions. Think about it: it's all about our emotions, how we're feeling.
CV, no matter which direction you decide on, point your compass toward healing yourself emotionally, and if that means temporarily not putting up with someone else's sh!t, fine. If it means something else, then that's fine too. You know forgiveness can also be doled out a little at a time as we heal, not just all at once.
So you "can" set bounderies and still give someone else a chance. But to do that you have to have your head in the game, and to do that, you have to be emotionally secure, and that means expecting to be happy with whatever the future holds and whatever decisions you make.
Hugs, Pic.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
