Thank you very much for looking in. Your post was just what I needed to hear.
"prepare yourself for a happy life,[i] with or without h.
what would it look like to be without him AND yet happy? Flesh that vision out."
I'm finally in a place where I think I can envision a life without H. I'm not thinking about him and us. Just about me and the kids and what we will do, and it's starting to seem as if it's the norm for us to be 'just us'. After all, he has been gone for SEVEN MONTHS now. Time for me to move on and stop living a limboland half-life.
"you have to back way off your h. I mean WAY WAY BACK
so he thinks you believe him b/c
only then will be feel free enough to look around and see what his choices are creating.
The more you challenge his choices OR appear to be doing that with further contact/pursuit,
the more pressure/expectations he'll feel. So he'll defend the choices and stand by them, and get them MORE entrenched and solidified.
Act as if you believe him and are moving on."
And Yes, you are spot-on with my need to back WAY WAY OFF as the only way that H will believe that I believe him.
And I do, now - believe that he's gone / going to D me.
I have to. No more of this "I just can't believe it's happening to me".
It HAS happened. I get to choose now what sort of life I want for the future.
I still have hope that he might want to change enough to re-join our family, but if he doesn't, there's nothing I can do about it.
Sad but true - and the kids and I will be OK no matter what.
My new GAL activities include volunteering at my D16's school gala fete next Friday night; going to a Parents' Quiz night fundraiser at S13's school Sat night; and attending a high school reunion (after 35 years) the Sat night after that (very scary!).
Just going to try to get out and re-connect with people after spending so much time and energy on H - and getting nothing in return.
