WHG, hope you don't take offense to the 2x4's I laid out in my previous posts.
A very wise person on this forum told me about creating mystery, and getting a life, even if I didn't have one at the beginning, to create that mystery, to foster it and soon enough.... it would be there. They were right. There is nothing artificial about making plans and following through.
I shut my open book up to my H, and managed to go dark, even with him here. I excluded him off my facebook, I began living my life as if he was my daughter's father, not my partner. I stopped responding to messages, unless it had something to do with our child and that is it. I created enough distance and mystery, without being unkind to him.
Now when he came to me and wanted to discuss our R, then I opened up. But if it was about anything else, I remained distant. I'm sorry, you want to pack up and leave me in the dust, but you want me to sit down and listen to how the cards did today? Nope.
I realize that what works for one person, won't work for another, or even feel right.
But what I've learned in saving my marriage is this.... that pulling back, creating distance, and not dancing to my H's tunes any more, is what actually brought him back.
It was not a game, not artificial.... because believe me his threats to vacate were on a near daily basis sometimes. I had to learn to move forward as if I were going to live without him and I did.
He has told me a few times, that it was my pulling back that scared him, and made him rethink his life without me.
I stopped being there for him on certain levels. I also stopped being his buddy.
I wish you the best in how this goes for you... and hope you did not take me the wrong way.
And I agree with Oldtimer, I'm sorry but no way would I allow my X on my facebook. No more open books for people who walk out. That information in my life is mine. If they want back in that circle, then maybe they can be included again.
