H. birthday coming up. I decided to get him a couple of back pain books. Pretty neutral, I think because of his age, arthritis stenosis will not get fixed. One was on that. The other about how your injury (for him sports) initially started the whole mess, repressed emotion will keep it going. Don't think I will give him that one, because he does repress his emotions, and it may not be db., going to read it myself first, then decide. He is always been this upstanding, helful mr. nice guy, fixer. Trying to not focus on him, to detach, to focus on my apt. search. Doing it for hours on craigslist, making a spreadsheet for pros and cons, emailing for availibility. Imagining myself in these places w/o him is hell. I look forward to the day when I'm in my new place, everything done and able to just breathe. Then since he still wants to be friends, and everytime we talk or see each other he always says was so nice to see you or talk that maybe I can be a new and improved me...It was a 17 year marriage, maybe in 17 months. Who knows, I'm just trying to fight the good fight day by day.
