Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[ClingingToHope]

You guys, I think are over reading this.

Church 31 is the kind of person I'd like to be with. I'm not saying or even thinking I'm going to end up with her. She just considers me a friend and once a women sees you as a friend that's what you'll always be. All these movies about the friend winning the girl is Hollywood crap.

Yes. She has made some poor decisions about men. I met her last two boyfriends. I didn't like either one of them. In the movies, she'd magically realize someone better is right in front of her. This isn't the movies. I'll just enjoy talking to her again for a while.

I went through the list months ago of what I do admire about her. There's no reason to bring it back up. Her positive traits are what I'm going to wait for in someone.

When I was dating DHU-41, I wondered why I just didn't feel more for her. I wondered if I just wasn't over XW. I see that's not the case. It's just I haven't found someone I'm all that excited about.

Antlers, short answer. Yes I do think I'm the right person for someone else. But I'm picky. A friend of mine says I should be dating all the time. I'm not going to settle. It'll have to be perfect. What happened this weekend is that for a few hours there I was back to feeling that "XW is winning." It was a bad place to be and I've climbed out of it.

This site is my online diary more than anything, and I wanted to get the pain down because someday I'm going to be in a much better place and I'll want to read these posts to see how far I've come.

Gineen, I wasn't mentally planning Church-31 into meeting the girls. I was just pointing out that when I had to start thinking about integrating DHU-41 into my/their lives, I realized I really didn't want to and that was pretty telling.

I don't get the slow down advice. I never have. We separated in May 2009 and divorced in June 2011. I've dated -- meaning multiple dates -- two women and gone on single dates with two others. To me, that's very patient. I'm not out every night chasing whoever winks at me. I'm usually working, working out or with the girls.

Look, tomorrow is never promised to anyone. My best friend just had a stroke. He's 41 and in outstanding physical shape. It turns out he had a head injury when he was younger and it damaged an artery. Surrounding arteries were making up for it and he did an especially hard workout and had a full stroke.

He's extremely lucky. He's made a full recovery. No neurological deficits or anything. I just had a car accident in November and was very lucky to walk away from it.

So I don't get the slow down advice. I'll have plenty of time to rest when I'm dead.

Saturday night I felt "desperate" to be with someone. That was the shock and hurt feelings and open wounds and pride talking. I hadn't felt desperate in a long time. In fact, walking away from DHU-41 felt very good. She wasn't the right person and I wasn't going to waste my time on the wrong person.

I'm actually pretty satisfied with how things are going. If anything, I'd gotten too comfortable. This was a reminder that XW is not going to be knocking on my door again. She's dead to me. I don't care about her hopes or dreams or fears or failures or loves or successes. Just treat my daughters well and keep our lives as separate as humanly possible.

I was out last night and tonight with that developer friend. He's just interesting to talk to and he understands what I'm going through. Tomorrow night I'm going with a coworker to watch two local high school teams play for a trip down state.

Wednesday I have the girls and we're going to go bike riding now that spring is here.

Thursday I have a free night. I'll probably go for a run and talk to the leader of our church growth group. She's stepping down. I'd like to keep it going, but it's a 20s-30s group and I'm almost 43 so I feel a little strange. Another girl in the group wants to take it over, but she wants to move it to the weekends. I can't do many weekends. So we have to decide what's going to happen.

Friday morning is a bummer. I have an IEP meeting for D9 with XW. I'll be tense.

This weekend I have the girls and a friend from the growth group wants to do a bowling night. So I'll get out and do that. Of course I'll probably wonder what XW is doing. I'm still not past that. But that's less and less and I bounce back more quickly.

Financially, the first running race is in two weeks. If we get asked to do it that means we're in for eight races this year and I'm going to have a good year. I'll actually be able to put some money away so I can SLOW DOWN next year.

I'm not one to sit still. When I sit still, my brain wanders too much. Onward and upward.