Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing

[MrBond]

Yes I do think you should. Remember it's perfectly natural for there to be false starts. You have to bring your expectations down a little and he has to increase his efforts a little so you both meet in the middle.

Writing your needs would help so that he can process things at his pace.

[Jenna333]

We're texting. Here are a few from him...

"I respect you, but it seems like its nowhere near enough. We don't have to cancel counseling if your still up for it"

"I'm so head [censored] about this, and this whole time since we got back together, I felt like I've be holding you back, and it seems indirectly I am"

I told him I felt like I was giving him an out

"You're not giving me an out. I want you to be happy above anything else, and I don't think I can help you get there"

I don't know how to interpret these.

[MrBond]

He's feeding off of you. Try this.

"I respect you, but it seems like its nowhere near enough."

I understand that you respect me. It's just not in the way that makes me feel safe at the moment. I'm willing to work with you on this so that my expectations are met and we're both happy. Because I really do want you to be happy too and not so nervous. I'll write things down and you can go over them and we can discuss if you have any questions.

[Jenna333]

It bites having this convo with him through text while at school, but I need to talk to him about it.

He said he wants to be with me and loves me, but feels like being with him is torture for me and I deserve better.

What. The. Heck!? I'm about to bang my head against a wall.

[nhmom]

((Jenna))

So sorry you're going through this! Listen to MrBond. Consider writing down your thoughts, expectations, boundaries. If J is truly willing to commit to R, then he needs to accept your concerns. Also ask him to write down his thoughts, expectations, etc.

Don't cancel your C appointment. Think about what you'd like to get out of the session. Seek advice from your C. If you're not getting what you need, think about looking for a different one.

You won't solve anything right at this moment, so use that energy to write down your thoughts. Then tomorrow, when you're calmer, review what you wrote down to see if you still feel the same way.

Hang in there!

[mr mr]

(((Jenna))), Hang in there, this isn't a straight away race to the finish line, it is more like a dance...two steps forward one step back, the occasional spin and every now and then a dip( J ), try and find your rhythm and find a way to enjoy the dance.

[Jenna333]

Thanks guys. I'll write down everything tonight. I'll be alone

[RoRoinMD]

(((Jenna))), hang in there! I hope you are able to get everything you want to express down on paper. I have a feeling it will help you see things much clearer.

[Jenna333]

He's going to write down his feelings as well. He said it never helped before (we've tried it a couple of times in the past), but he'll do it. I figure we can bring them with us to MC tomorrow morning.

[ces67]

Hope your session goes well today.

As you write your feelings down, maybe consider writing in terms of what you need, what you feel and what you expect in your M, rather than "you need to do...." Own your own stuff and allow him to own his.

Everyone should have their own friends but it certainly shouldn't be at the expense of their spouse & the sanctity of the M. Hope you get some good insights at your MC session and as they said above, take it slow and still keep the expectations low. (((333)))

Off topic - how'd your tests go? That's a lot of distractions when you have to focus on something.