obb, I am SO sorry about the recent developments. I think you're at a point where you should plot your course carefully. Don't do anything rash. I think staying dark's a good idea. Especially if you can accompany it with detachment. Also, don't put all the blame on yourself, though I know that's not the easiest thing to do.
I think it's pretty normal to question whether you want him back at this point. Frankly, I'm not sure I blame you.
I'll pray for your strength and wisdom through this. I'll pray for your boys as well.
