Is this cake eating 4

[25yearsmlc]

brook,

I know the word detachment is possibly over used but it's also misunderstood. Your comment to "drop the rope" is what I think it means, at least to me.

NLW, not saying 'give up' but prepare yourself for a happy life,[i] with or without h.
[/i]
what would it look like to be without him AND yet happy? Flesh that vision out.

Finally, what Denver says rings true. When I read my own journal from 2005 I got mad all over again at h, for one thing. SO it's not super helpful

but my point is I believed what I said at the time, or at least most of it.

I predicted my m would end and gave it a "10% chance" of making it.

SO Nothing is written in stone. fwiw I think your inlaws MEAN well but it also means

you have to back way off your h. I mean WAY WAY BACK

so he thinks you believe him b/c

only then will be feel free enough to look around and see what his choices are creating.

The more you challenge his choices OR appear to be doing that with further contact/pursuit,

the more pressure/expectations he'll feel. So he'll defend the choices and stand by them, and get them MORE entrenched and solidified.

Act as if you believe him and are moving on. See, your course of action is THE SAME

whether or not he returns. (another example in my mind, of detachment or if you prefer, "dropping the rope")

IF he returns you will be in a much better place emotionally and financially to engage with him.

(I also believe he's more likely to return if you back off but it can't be the goal of backing off or that is merely a tactic)

I know it's a paradox.

But if he does not return and you've moved forward in your life, then happiness wil be created that much sooner.

If he does return you are better prepared and equipped so

your action plan is protecting yourself financially, dropping the rope and

truly GAL...for real