Tad, sweetie, you keep trying to figure out something that just can't be understood.
As someone who had a son go through this in his teenage years, I wanted to tell you something.
My xh would do his thing - tell my son stuff, try to be disney dad, etc.
But I would never say a word about his dad to my son. Not one word. That was a promise I made to myself at the beginning of all this.
I just continued working on me, continued trying to be the best mom I could be, continued to let my son know that I was there for him.
There were some very tough days, Tad. Very tough. My son would be angry with me. He would act out.
I kept to my path.
He would tell me things about my xh to try to get a rise out of me.
I kept to my path.
And you know what, T? My son knew all along. He knew.
And one day he said to me, Mom, thank you for not getting in the way of my relationship with my dad.
And he also said, I know that you are the very best mother there is. I also know that dad is broken. I knew it all along. I just had to figure it out on my own.
It's a tough age, 17. They are going through so many things, trying to figure it all out.
But your son knows, Tad. He knows.
It's your job not to do anything to hinder his relationship with his mom and to be the best dad you can be.
The way to do that is to be true to yourself. Do the right thing. Be truthful and present and allow him to fall knowing you'll be there when he does.
I made myself two other promises at the beginning - to keep my dignity and to do what I could to get my son through all this.
That's all you can do, Tad. The rest, well, that it in His capable hands.
