Hi, I only found this site 2 days ago - because I suspected my H of 4 years was cheating or doing "something". It was weird because he's always been more of a homebody, always made me feel so loved and special - and as much as I've always had trust issues, I never felt he was being unfaithful. I still get jealous, but that's my stuff. I will need to work on that. I was looking at his cell phone records, because he's been going out after work more frequently (works late in a restaurant); and I just had a weird feeling. I just thought for someone who didn't like to go out that much, 1-2 x a week was a lot. So I noticed a number I didn't recognize, and it began appearing 5 days ago, and showed up every day until today when I confronted him.
The caller had called him a few times, really late at night, like about when he gets off from work. A few of the calls were 6 min, then one was 12 min. 2 days ago when I had left to meet a friend, there was a call from him to her - 45 minutes. That might not seem strange to someone, but my H does not speak on the phone. To anyone. Even when we speak, it's always quick. We always joke that he never uses his minutes on his cell. Anyway, when I confronted him about who he was speaking to (didn't tell him I had seen her #) - he said he didn't speak to anyone, much less any women on the phone, never went out w women after work, just the guys. He flat out denied it 50 times. I begged him to be honest, and said that I just wanted to know if there was anything he wanted to tell me. He assured me there was nothing, and that he loved me so much, bla bla bla. So I (falsely) told him that someone had gotten in touch with me anonymously to tell me he was getting cozy with a girl; by now I knew her name because I called the # and her name was on her VM. He still denied it, and wanted to know who would do that, because he'd make sure they were fired. Bla bla bla. We talked about it yesterday, and last night, and then this morning. When I went out to run an errand this a.m., for a few min, he changed his cell website password which showed the phone records. I couldn't take it anymore, and told him I had her number and showed it to him. He still denied it and got avoidant. I kept asking him to just tell me the truth, and told him I knew more. He kept asking "what do you think you know? tell me what you know?" To me, that was solid proof. Who says that if they're innocent?
I then showed him the phone records of their calls (I had saved some) and he still denied it. It was ridiculous. It ended with him saying that I should move out. (we both know that wasn't going to happen). I told him that he should (although I cannot afford the rent here). Consequently he packed up his stuff, took our 2 dogs who I love like children (we have no kids) and left. I was so angry. I kept asking why he couldn't just be a man and come clean. He was indignant. I texted the girl to call me and when she found out who I was she said "u have the wrong #". I'm so angry, hurt and kind of numb. I'm like, did that just happen?
I know there are 180 rules we can abide by here. I just chose to be confrontative because I wanted this resolved one way or the other. It's torture, and it's the only way I could get "some" kind of answer. The truth is I love him and we had a really good marriage. We do/did fun things, are (I thought) in love, and are always doing nice things for each other. Sure we have fights, but ultimately I always felt it was genuine. So that's it. I don't know what to do. I don't know who to turn to. I haven't told anyone but you guys.
He probably has nowhere to go (she has a boyfriend she lives with I think). I'm kind of glad that he has nowhere to go, but I'm so sad. I just wanted a good marriage. I don't want a divorce, but I'll be damned if I'm going to put up with lying and/or cheating. Please give me your insight. Does this kind of thing change? Do they admit it after they leave? I know he adores me, but why would he leave unless he was caught? I'm so confused. I've read a lot of great things here in the past couple of days and I could use your help.
