Hoping for a better Spring and a new chapter

[25yearsmlc]

Oh Autumn,

I just finished catching up on your thread. Let me "organize" my post here.

1) OUCH!!!! So sorry for the kick in the stomach. I want to hug you

2) what an idiot HE is! I want to slap him.

(okay I concede that given the situation HE finds HIMSELF in, (b/c this is not about you)

he is at least SAYING the right things...Later on, you can decide if YOU see ACTIONS that are consistent with his words,

but even then, there are no guarantees for him anyhow,

b/c it seems to me YOU are deciding TWO things; whether

a) HE is taking enough appropriate action to repair the damage in a way that you could believe and forgive

AND (even if he is)

b) whether YOU want to be married to him anymore, period. You guys have issues separate and apart from this.

Finally and most importantly, let's work on

3) your action plan..here are some suggestions, to get you started...

obviously, ignore what doesn't feel authentic, or is premature for you.

1-Get with your buddy or the support group there, to have real life help.

2-See a c for yourself, as I think you planned.

3-Get legal advice, b/c knowledge is power. You need "DO" nothing with the information but it's nuts not to have it. And it's empowering to have that information --b/c

if you do decide to stay and work on things, you will know the decision was NOT made out of fear of "change" OR unrealistic financial fears.

IOW, you'll make your choices based on what is most likely to make YOU happy now, and in the long run.

You will not make choices based on fear, which was a goal you set for yourself in late January.

I bet he'll try to see a mc or IC or whatever, and
I'm not saying he shouldn't do the workshop, b/c frankly it's about the only thing I might believe of him at this moment.

MC isn't bad --I usually love it! But in this sitch with all his stuff and history- Weekly counselling or even bi-weekly mc, imho, won't be enough for YOU to believe in

and it might not break down the walls your h needs for you to see his "essence" - what he's really like inside and what good he's truly capable of...or likely to give. IOW, will weekly MC sessions get you to KNOW the answers to-

"who is this man, and who is he becoming?"

That's all on HIM. But if you are open to it and if he goes, at least it'd be penetrating (for lack of a better word). I think you'd believe in it more.
But that is premature right now. We don't know that he'd go, don't know that it'd get through to him OR that you'd be alright anyhow...but it's somethihng to ponder that would give me a tad more hope than some new mc handed this "unpinned grenade", meaning, a very fragile m.

and we know your h has issues separate from the marriage so, he'd need an IC too if he doesn't do the workshop.

(Heck, if it were me and IF I were open to the idea of working on things, he'd have to do both or all.)

You'll have to decide now where to go and what to do for YOU. Try to see that as freeing if you can, although that will take time.

This situation is a real test of meeting/keeping that goal of NOT letting fear be such an influence in your life. But now, you have tools you lacked before. Use them.

Any support meetings coming up? How is your r with your "buddy"?

Also, I'm going to try and reach out via Eric w/your first name. If we connect at a bad time for you, just say so!

So sorry for such an early test.

Remember, YOU know who YOU are, inside & out--and that you are a lovable loving woman. You did not "cause" this. Here's a quote I found relevant today.


‎"You have to go through life reminding yourself how incredibly valuable and important and terrific you are. Then you will never have a question about relationships again. There will be so many people wanting to be in your life." - Dr. Wayne Dyer

remember this^^^. I'll be in touch soon.