DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5)

[2thepoint]

"Yeah, my W reaches out all the time, and many would say that's good. In reality she is just reaching out for a safety net. Once she knows it's there and feels safe, it's right back to a self centered world of me, me, me. Despite the psyche issues, it's despicable in many ways. I rationalized a lot of bad behavior with her psyche crisis, and so does she."

This seems to be the function of the LBS pulling back and detaching that triggers the WAS to reengage...just long enough. So to me the question seems to be, can you find the strength to pull back and detach much, much more?

I believe I have posted elsewhere that I believe our spouses need to hit rock bottom in terms of the emotional support and energy we provide them. They need to experience the reality that results from their decision to exit the M.

Only then will they maybe begin to recognize the damage left in their wake. Then again, maybe they won't. So what then does the LBS do?

That is the question I think we all must be able to answer in order to be able to move on.