P.S. As for the WAS bashing, I really, really hate it. WAS/LBS is a false dichotomy, or a dichotomy built more on timing than anything else. People are at different places in their lives. We all try to do our best. Our best looks different when we are in different places. It is arrogant of LBSs to take the superior stance — WASs make choices LBSs don't like, no doubt they make some choices they wouldn't make if not driven by such pain. But, we are all human. We have ALL deeply harmed our partners, even if it was not through an A or choosing to end an M.
Pretty uniformly, LBSs eventually agree that their XMs were deeply flawed. Pretty uniformly, they mimic the adolescence of "WASs". Pretty uniformly, they swing to the "rewriting history, everything in the M was bad," end of things, and eventually settle on a more realistic view. Pretty uniformly, they act out, date too soon, become an "alien." Pretty uniformly, they get stuck for awhile. Pretty uniformly, they finally get to a better place that does not include the X-spouse. Not at all much different than a WAS.
So, the LBS/WAS as touted on these boards (not in MWs books) is hugely unproductive -- it leads to a deep lack of respect and blocks empathy. Not pretty.
So, I'd just try to ignore the LBS versus WAS stuff as much as possible if I were you.
DBing gets productive when people work ON THEMSELVES to become people who will lead more fulfilling, more authentic lives, and who will be better partners in ANY relationship. It is only when WE grow for our OWN sakes that DBing helps anyone or any of their relationships. And THAT is just as true for LBSs and WASs.
