Cycling is natural. It is going to take a lot of time to find an even keel to your emotions. The 'experts' (yes, take that term loosely) say that it takes 1 year for every 4 years you were married to recover from a D. I found that being separated was like being in an eternal state of D without the benefits of legal papers. It's the worst kind of rollercoaster because you don't know which way it will go from one second to the next.
While you are away I'd like to ask you to do some emotional work for yourself. Take a journal with you. Preferably one you haven't written anything at all in. Concentrate on this one question and do it every day for the time you are away. I'll be interested to hear your answer from each day when you return.
"If H were to want to come home tomorrow, what would I require and what would that R look like?" Also, "Who am I outside of this M?"
Those two questions will likely result in several different answers, hence having you answer them each day. Your emotions will move every day and so will the answers.
The second question is MUCH more important than the first but in order to understand who you are outside of the M it is important to understand your answers to the first.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!