WHG: And Alice goes down the rabbit hole...

[workinghardguy]

I understand what you're saying CT. I think my W does like to use me as a babysitter, but whether she can do that or not is entirely in my control.

With that said I don't know, at least at this point, if I'm comfortable with the short-notice change of plans just to create mystery. I love my time with my son and my SS and SD too much. And in the case of SS/SD there's so little of it in the first place.

I've also spent the past six years being the one who usually was with SS/SD when their dad would cancel on short notice or just not show up for a scheduled night. I've seen, repeatedly, what that experience is like for the kids. I've spent too many nights piecing SS/SD back together again because their dad didn't show. I don't think SS/SD would have a huge issue if I cancelled, but my S absolutely would. I guess, for me, if it comes down to that's what I need to do to put my M back together then that's a bridge too far for me. It's not that it's right or wrong, but it's a personal choice I don't know that I can make.

Last week at one point W mentioned that there are some weekends this summer that she already knows she has things going on where she has the kids. She didn't have the list of dates but said there are three our four of them. She casually mentioned that maybe we could switch up some weekends. Of course that's not possible since she works her weekends without the kids. I know her well enough that this is her way of "easing" me into taking them for her while she goes off to a big party, music festival, etc...

After that convo I thought about it for a while. I am planning on making sure I have something going on those weekends, and if I don't I'll find something. I don't feel that's manipulative because I'm not reneging on a commitment I've already made. There may be one weekend I'm willing to take the kids since I would like to take all of them on a four or five day vacation somewhere. But the others it's up to her.

As far as Facebook there's been lots of different advice. Go dark, post constantly, post sparingly. The thing is, I haven't changed my approach or frequency of posting stuff to Facebook. I also don't post stuff for her benefit. I post it so my mom, my friends, my niece, etc... can see what the kids are up to. I usually only post kids' stuff anyway. Though last week when I was in DC I was posting me stuff and it allowed me to reconnect with some old friends who are stationed at Dover AFB and I hadn't realized that. So my thoughts on FB are that I'm doing it for me. I'm not going to change my behavior just to accommodate her or, again, try to artificially create something. I'm living my life. I don't know that the little window that FB gives into that life really does much as far as mystery goes.