In a funny way I can see how determined my H is to continue on his own goofy path. I got an invitation, rather late, to a St. Patrick's Day Party with people from my H's office. The wife of the couple and I have lunch about once a month. Less since all the crap started.
I asked did he want to attend. He said to tell them he is sick. (Fruedian slip?) I lost my cool and said: "Why not just tell them you are divorcing me?" His response was that he didn't want people to know his business. My response was that he was going to have a hard time keeping that quiet.
And I don't always know what I want. But what I don't want becomes clearer each day. I don't want a relationship with a person whose idea of fun is watching TV every night. And whose social fears border on the absurd.
I also am realizing I could be alone and have fun. I could have been on that hike alone yesterday and had more fun. I'm thinking about just doing one hike a week by myself. That was great exercise, almost 3 hours straight of walking/climbing!
So how do I get out of this place where I keep feeling so beat up? The physical and mental parts of me just feel used up. I put out a call through my weight loss program head doctor. I asked him to find out where the one really great doc I worked with ended up after her fellowship.
She was what I called a MASH psychologist. She was pretty good at cutting to the chase. I don't know spefically if she does SOBT. But she got me through the post-bomb period. I hadn't yet discovered DB when I was seeing her.
Yes, Snodderly. my H seems to have loads of memory lapses. And is so baiting me. And I need to not take the bait. I am just going to create a new beautiful life FOR ME!
Today is weight lifting at the gym with the marines. Poor me!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
