Make sure you show up looking hot and like you're ready to go out afterward. If he asks what your plans are, don't tell him 'nothing' or anything else telling. Tell him, "they are flexible, why?" Just in case he wants to get together for further interaction.
Oh my, size 8 and he thinks you're going the wrong direction? Heck! What does he expect? Two kids and a number of years and maintaining a size 2? Good grief! That's kind of sick in my book. Of course, I'm completely the opposite direction so....take that for what it's worth.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Heehee....good advice. Love the flexible, why? answer.
Hot...looking for hot in closet. Nothing new, just something flattering.
Yeah, size 2...like his fantasy. Oh yeah, I can't compete with that but I can sure bake the hell out of some biscuits, pies and bread. ALMOST had house smelling like bakery yesterday but thought that would be too obvious.
Me: 44 H: 45 Married 22 S 18, S 16 Bomb 8/11, Second Bomb 1/12
Whoever said "work with God" is AWESOME! My IC said keep mail, if he doesn't ask then don't give it to him....credit card number compromised in Italy so received replacement yesterday. Hearing that advice, I put it in my pocket before heading to hockey. Took big long walk with friend and dog first for endorphins, followed by bubble bath and a beer and then off to hockey repeating mantra, looking hot!
H arrived and sat across rink from me and friends. Laughed and talked with them and watched game. He had his head in his hands a few times...so sad...so with 5 mins left in 3rd period walked over to him on MY terms....haven't laid eyes on his beautiful face in 6 weeks....this was hard. Said hi (like giddy high school girl when we WERE in hs and I'd approach him after half time at football game - he played saxophone in band). Whatever....it is where I am right now. Pulled out credit card and broke the ice. Y Thank you God for this piece of mail AND someone's wise advice.... Talked about stuff and noted that a) he is still wearing his wedding ring b) he kept looking at me which he was NOT doing in January.
Made small talk for 5 minutes. Told him S16 had some sketchy stuff on his phone and game over. Got in car, did not linger, said a casual "see ya'" and shut door and drove off with S16. Came home and texted about it and then talked on phone. He offered to come over. Said we'd talk Sat after I spoke with S16.
Today, text asking if I agree with him about 1/2 of S16's paycheck going into bank. Said absolutely (nice 180 as he thinks we always disagree). Asked if he could come get camp chair from garage for union meeting today. Agreed. Asked if I wanted to talk to S16 together. Agreed b/c we are a "united front". Said he'd be right over.
Thankfully house clean, quick get dressed and casually on screen porch when he arrives listening to NPR.
Talk to S16 and agree on everything. He even said he was calm now.
Then he volunteers to fix lost Internet connection in computer in loft. Enthusiastically agree. Chit chat about health, airline stuff, etc. I am downstairs at kitchen table. He comes down to leave and S16 uncomfortable. H gives him a big hug and says he loves him, pats me on the shoulder and leaves, saying see you later. Calm and cool.
Next hockey game Monday night. Then we leave for Germany on Tuesday.
Continuing to not initiate contact but answering his texts. Tried to make him feel comfortable in our home with us here by being friendly and detached and sticking to topics of conversation he initiated. Mysteriously received text while we were sitting on couch on porch! LOL! (he asked me to sit next to him when we talked to S16 who was across from us in chair).
Birds singing, beautiful day, plans later, assembled my hydro-stacker with S16 for growing herbs and lettuces. Volunteering at church tomorrow.
I think I understand DB better....was maybe conflicted b/c of advice from IC.
Me: 44 H: 45 Married 22 S 18, S 16 Bomb 8/11, Second Bomb 1/12
This is such fantastic progress! Thanks for posting it as it makes it clear how to work the info into everyday life. Ok, I will no longer initiate the emails to my husband. Thanks for that.
Volunteered at church and then went out to lunch with group of GREAT ladies...sat talking for several hours. I was thinking to myself on the drive home, what HAVE I BEEN doing these last years to miss relationships with real people? Codependent neighborhood friends really NOT this alive and vibrant and interesting...all stuck waiting for the next party or next happy hour. What a waste of my life.
H continues to text me daily. Answering with delayed responses. Considered NOT at all but this is our ONLY form of communication. He does not call or email so this is the only thing I have....replying to him. Thoughts anyone?
Me: 44 H: 45 Married 22 S 18, S 16 Bomb 8/11, Second Bomb 1/12
Hi ptc, you asked on my thread about tapes on detachment and I don't know of any.
There are some Pema Chodron recordings, MP3 etc that might be helpful. Her Book When Things Fall Apart has helped me along with other writings of hers.
Anyone else have recommendations for recordings on detachment?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Do consider not responding to his texts once in a while. That might precipitate an e-mail or a phone call. Don't go cold turkey, just don't respond now and then. Delays are good too, always delay.
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
